8 day diary of weaning off Zopiclone sleeping tablets after overuse or addiction

In a previous post I described how I had started to overuse the sleeping tablet Zopiclone and now it is time to try and do something about it.  Having had sleeping problems for as long as I can remember due to complex PTSD symptoms I know that this is going to be a very difficult task, however I feel motivated to do it in order to heal my body and my mind. I also want to record my experience each day to help others

This turned out to be a difficult and somewhat alarming process but I got through it - one night at a time.

Night 1

Yesterday was an extremely stressful day so last night would've been a prime opportunity to do what I normally do and take a Zopiclone sleeping tablet.  I resisted the temptation but despite going to bed at 11 PM I ended up still be in the awake at 4:30 AM.  The anxiety I experienced before going to bed was horrible  and several hours of tossing and turning once in bed did not help.  In addition to all this the tablets were right next to my bed which made for an even more tortuous situation.

The problems continued when I did eventually fall to sleep because for the first time in a long time I also had a really bad nightmare,  which is something I haven't really experienced since I have been taking Zopiclone.

Unsurprisingly I do feel really tired today however I do feel quite proud of myself for not taking any tablets again.

Time to bed : 11pm
Time asleep : 5am
Time awake : 10
Hours asleep : 5

Night 2

As last night was the first night I hadn't taken a tablet I wasn't sure what to expect. However, after having so little sleep last night and having to lie in bed for so long I expected Night 2 to be difficult and this added to the anxiety. One thing that I did notice is that I keep having spasms which make me jump when I'm asleep or as I'm drifting off to sleep. This can be normal but it happened so frequently I definitely believe this is a Zopiclone (or any  sleeping tablet) withdrawal symptom.

The following day I felt really tired but didn't have the usual fatigue and grogginess that I usually feel after a tablet. I found this encouraging but I know its still early.

Time to bed : 1 am
Time asleep : 2.30
Time awake : 6am
Hours asleep : 3.30

Night 3

Night 3 was going to be really tough because I had a very difficult and confrontational conference call to participate in the following day so aside from being up late preparing I was also extremely anxious. Lots of PTSD triggers were happening and my mind was in overdrive as I was working through all the negative aspects of the following day. At certain points I would try and distract my mind by thinking about something different but before I knew it I would be back thinking about the call, the people involved and the ramifications of saying the wrong thing.

In addition, the spasms in my body were happening through the night causing me to fall asleep and wake up again continuously. The whole experience was very tedious and frustrating which ironically is the exact opposite of the state you need to be in to fall asleep.

Time to bed : 1.30 am
Time asleep : 2.30
Time awake : 7 am
Hours asleep : 4. 30

Night 4

The conference call I had worried about the previous night actually turned out to be worse than I expected. How people find it acceptable to be disrespectful and aggressive to other people without provocation I will never understand but that is another issue. Physically through the day, I was put through the mill. On the call I experienced the usual PTSD reactions such as shortness of breath, temperature increase, sweating and inability to speak. Later in the day I noticed the body spasms kept happening along with a new symptom of having extremely shaky hands and fingers. These are both Zopiclone/Sleeping tablet withdrawal symptoms.

The good news was that the call was behind me and I could try and get some rest. Unfortunately, when my head hit the pillow I was back to thinking about the call I had earlier in the day. It kept replaying it over and over again despite my efforts to shut it down or think of something else. Thankfully I eventually drifted off and put an end to pretty awful day.

Time to bed : 12.10 am
Time asleep : 1.00
Time awake : 5 am
Hours asleep : 4

Night 5

I went out with some friends on this night and I was designated driver so by  the time I had finished my taxi service and got back home it was 2am. I felt fairly relaxed and I was really tired so it only took me 30 mins to get to sleep (which is unheard of for me).

I awoke at 10am completely amazed that I had been asleep for 7.30 hours !!. This is such a normal thing for other people but for me this was a huge achievement.

Despite the much needed lie in, I am still sleep deprived generally so I still felt physically tired but this is definately a mini victory.

Time to bed : 02.00 am
Time asleep : 2.30
Time awake : 10 am
Hours asleep : 7.30

Night 6

It felt like I was going to bed early despite it being gone midnight but I felt really tired so thought I would be in with a good chance of falling asleep quickly. I was quite wrong as it took 1hr 30 mins. I was restless in that time but thankfully the body spasms (withdrawal symptoms) had stopped so that was one less issue to contend with.

I didn't set an alarm but found myself awake at 5 am anyway. The day was fairly painful due to the tiredness I felt and it also plays into the sleeping tablet cravings as they are the forbidden fruit that can solve all of problems.

Time to bed : 00.30 am
Time asleep : 2.00
Time awake : 5 am
Hours asleep : 3

Night 7

It didn't take long to get to sleep which is probably due to the late hour I went to bed. After last night's 3 hour sleep people had commented that I looked really tired so I was hoping for a good 6 hours at least.

The following morning I woke up at 6.30 which was bad news considering I went to sleep at 2 but I then drifted off again only to wake up at 11.30 !!. I had woken up periodically before this but I was unable to move and kept falling back to sleep. This morning paralysis was very bizarre to me but I just put this down to my body catching up on missed sleeping hours.

All the same it was good that I went another night Zopiclone free.


Time to bed : 1.30 am
Time asleep : 2.00
Time awake : 6.30 (and then) 8-11.30
Hours asleep : 8

Night 8

Having felt pretty fed up in the evening I carried on with the bad  habit of purposely staying awake by distracting myself with Youtube. Although, I felt tired I just couldn't bring myself to go to bed. This is obviously part of my PTSD issue and feels like a very strong compulsion to stay awake. Whether it is not wanting to go to bed and being anxious or punishing myself for not doing enough in the day I don't know but the result is I wait until I am really tired and then go to bed and fall asleep rather quickly.

This helps by cutting down on my 'counting sheep' time but I end up going to bed at nonconstructive times.

I woke up really groggy again in the morning  again and could barely move. It took me about an hour to come around fully before I could get out of bed which annoyed me because I had things to do. In some respects this lie in is good as I catch up on my missed hours but my window of sleep should be between and 11pm and 7am ideally.

Time to bed : 1.30 am
Time asleep : 2.00
Time awake : 10.30 am
Hours asleep : 8.30

The next few nights involved me going to bed at differing times but I was able to sleep naturally. Although, I wasn't getting the prescribed 8 hours of sleep I was not dependent on Zopiclone anymore and the symptoms had subsided.

Overall I think Zopiclones are great for sleep in times of utter desperation (and I have used them since) but you have to be extremely carefull because a dependency will definately sneak up on you.

I hope this has been helpful. If you or anyone you know has experienced a similar problem please let me know in the comments section.

Weaning off (Zopiclone) sleeping tablets after overuse or addiction

I was prescribed Zopiclone (sleeping tablets) after experiencing a large amount of stress and discomfort at work which I would later find out was complex PTSD  reactions and physical pain which unfortunately would turn into chronic long-term pain .

Having had undiagnosed complex PTSD from childhood I had always had problems sleeping and had managed by just being able to function on a limited amount of sleep per night.  My doctor prescribed Zopiclone to me three years ago and up until the last six months I had been taking it only in bad periods to try and regulate my normal sleep pattern. However,  since starting counselling within the last six months I had been relying on sleeping tablets more and more to allow me to get some rest.  As more and more distressing things were uncovered within my counselling  the Zopiclone  became a much needed tool to allow me to switch off for the night and relieve me from the emotional pain I was experiencing.

I had been told by my doctor on every visit that Zopiclone could be addictive but they allowed me to renew my prescription so I wasn't concerned. Also I had always considered myself a strong willed and vigilant  person that would be able to notice if I developed a reliance on a drug.  In addition to this my partner could see the distress that I was going through on a daily basis and was also encouraging me to take the tablets so that I would get some rest.  From initially taking Zopiclone a few nights at a time I went to taking it every night without even worrying about it,  as I didn't 'feel' addicted.  I was also able to justify taking the drug as I always had something very important to do the following day that I needed to be ready for both mentally and physically.

Overuse or addiction

It was only in a conversation with my mother that I realised that I may need to look at my use of the tablets a bit closer. She noted in our conversations that I had been taking it a lot and  that I had a rough week ahead and asked if I would be continuing to take them each night. Having taken them for the last 20 days and planning to take them for at least the next seven nights I realised that there could be a problem.  That night I decided to test whether I was addicted to sleeping tablets or not by not taking one and seeing how I coped .

Disturbingly I started getting really anxious before I went to bed and whilst I was lying in bed all I could think about was taking the tablet. I still don't know if this was a genuine craving or the fact I was just aware of the test that I was doing. Despite going to bed at 10 PM I was still awake at 3 AM. Out of what felt like sheer boredom I reached for the Zopiclone and took one. This was two nights ago and last night I did not take one.

If  you would like to read how I coped for 8 days without taking Zopiclone please read here.

Symptoms  or signs of Zopiclone (sleeping tablet)  addiction

Here are some general signs of sleeping tablet addiction :

Common signs of addiction

• Needing larger doses to fall asleep
• Trying and failing to quit more than once
• Ignoring social, professional and familial obligations
• Seeming confused or frequently detached

Common sleeping pill withdrawal symptoms include:

• Body spasms
• Seizures
• Insomnia
• Delirium
• Anxiety
• Drug cravings
• Irritability
• Depression
• Confusion
• Hallucinations
• Sweating
• Increased heart rate
• Hand tremors
• Nausea
• Vomiting

If you have experienced issues with sleeping tablets please let me know in the comments section below  and I will publish them  to help other readers.

PTSD nightmare - Attack of the squirrel in childhood home and what it means

One of the downsides of having Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is that since childhood I have experienced regular nightmares.

For years I have been having these horrendous experiences through the night and then waking up and carrying on with life as if nothing happened. In my early years my mother would ignore the fact I was having them, focusing more on the fact that I never wanted to go to sleep and how annoying that was for her. In later years, her problems were solved when my sister bought me a games console and I used to play on it through the night until I was so exhausted I had not choice but to fall asleep.

Well I'm an adult now and although I don't know how to stop the nightmares I'm at least aware of why I have them. Although, distressing I have decided to view them as 'interesting' and try and find some meaning in these unpleasant movies of the mind. Like other aspects of CPTSD recovery it is good to notice, record and review the things that are distressing so I have decided to add my nightmares to this blog. So however random, disturbing or comical they are, they will be here.

Attack of the squirrel in childhood home

This one started off with me being in my mothers bedroom (of my childhood home), sat on her bed. All of sudden I heard a noise out of my line of sight but next to the bed. I stood up on the bed to get a better view and I noticed that there was a squirrel hopping around on the floor.

I thought to myself "how the hell did that get in here". I looked around the room for something to catch it and when I turned back around it had gone.

Next thing I know I am in my own childhood bedroom and again I hear a noise at the end of the bed. I slowly walk along the bed to look over the edge and the squirrel is there again just moving around calmly and not paying much attention to me.

Again I start to work through the possibilities of squirrel removal. I start saying to myself "How did it get in here, "How the hell do you catch a squirrel, they are really fast", "I don't have a suitable container", "If I move it will run off". It then became evident that there was nothing in the room that could help me catch the squirrel so I came up with the idea of throwing the duvet over it. At this point I then thought "If I do that it will just run out from under it........."

In the middle of this thought the squirrel leaped of the floor and into my face I jumped back and swiped at it with my hands but the duvet (which i had bizarrely now been holding) also came into the air and covered half of my body, semi wrapping me up in it and obscuring my vision. I was now left fighting with the duvet which I was trying to untangle myself from while being very aware that the squirrel was jumping and biting the areas of my body which were exposed. In the midst of this frantic scene I screamed as loud as I could and no sound came out but I did manage to wake up.

I must admit I never thought a cute, furry woodland creature could cause such distress to a grown man but I was glad I woke up when I did !.

Dream meaning

I don't know what any of this means but here are some definitions I found online.

Squirrel - To see a squirrel in your dream suggests that you are hoarding something. You are holding on to too much and need to learn to let go. On the other hand, a squirrel may also mean that you need to reserve your time and energy. Alternatively, a squirrel indicates that you are pursuing empty and fruitless endeavors. It is time to give up on this dead-end relationship or unprofitable projects.

Duvet - To see a duvet in your dream symbolizes protection. It may also indicate that you are sexually conservative. 

Animal - to dream that you are fighting with an animal signifies a hidden part of yourself that you are trying to reject and push back into your subconscious

Childhood bedroom - To dream of your childhood bedroom indicates that a current situation or feeling has triggered a memory from your childhood that you have kept secret.

Scream - If you try to scream, but no sound comes out, then it indicates your sense of helplessness and frustration in some situation. No matter how hard you try to get someone's attention, they cannot hear you. The dream highlights your difficulty in communicating with this person. You need to immediately identify your fears or feelings and confront this situation in real life

I'm not sure how much I buy into dream meanings but they are interesting if nothing else.

If you have an interpretation of my dream or would like to share your own experience, please leave a comment below.

Developmental Complex PTSD Lecture with Dr Laurence Heller Healing Childhood Trauma

After being diagnosed with Complex (Developmental) PTSD in a psychological assessment I quickly realized that I had a serious and complicated issue to deal with and no professional help. Although, I was on a waiting list for therapy I knew that it would take several months to arrive.

Therefore, I needed a way to help myself and understand what my issues were now and where they originated from. My search for terms like 'complex PTSD, Childhood Trauma and developmental PTSD' kept leading me to a seminar being given by Dr Laurence Heller (Bio at the end of this post).

The video is quite long but I am so glad I watched it because it changed my life as so much of it mirrored my own experiences. This video gave me such a good foundation into understanding my own issues with Complex PTSD and points towards the approach that should be taken for recovery.

Being the keen student, I took notes from this seminar and I have included them below the video (They are just notes so bear with them).

Notes from the video

At one point the person thought their life was in danger

Trauma is too much emotion for the brain to deal with

Developmental trauma time period is prebirth to leaving the home.

We have incorporated the environmental failures that we have experienced into our own 'structure', then continues to act in ways in the world that continue that environmental failure but now we have internalised them. Then we find people who resonate with our own internal difficulties and form relationships with them. Couples can relate to each other in survival styles.

5 Basic Structures

These structures are named after what is missing, compromised capacity i.e. fails to develop.

• Connection. We feel that we belong in the world. We are in touch with our body and our emotions and capable of consistent connection with others.
• Attunement. Our ability to know what we need and to recognize, reach out for, and take in the abundance that life offers. 
• Trust. We have an inherent trust in ourselves and others. We feel safe enough to allow a healthy interdependence with others.
• Autonomy. We are able to say no and set limits with others. We speak our mind without guilt or fear. 
• Love-Sexuality. Our heart is open and we are able to integrate a loving relationship with a vital sexuality.

Connection : People who experience early trauma struggle with this issue of connection - Both wanting connection and being afraid of connection. People may use disassociation as the primary mechnism. Disconnected from their own bodies i.e. makes them anxious to begin telling you how they are feeling. Also socially isolating - too much connection with the body or other people is actually overwhelming. They tend to be the real thinking types and can't connect to the world normally. They are unable to filter stimulation from the environment and from other people so they have to disconnect to save themselves from being overwhelmed.

Attunement : 

Missing or compromised capacity to be able to know what it is you need, capacity to express those needs with undue shame or guilt, capacity to tolerate expansion and abundance.

Develop as a result of an attachment rupture. Nourishment loss, early hospitalisation of the mother or the child. Early attachment dynamic got disrupted. POrotective mechanism that developed was to learn to dial down their needs to only what the environement had to offer.

Both Attunement and connection has a bodily and nervous system component.

With connection structure a large amount of aggression tend to be turned against the self in the form of shame and self hatred. They can also be highly sympttomatic chronic fatigue, anxiety, migraines, depression.

For developmental trauma you have to work beyond fight or flight it will only take you part of the way.

Distress cycle -  nervous system issues lead to identity issues which then cause their own nervous system issues.

Significant evidence that trauma depression and anxiety that is chronic in the mother does affect the fetus, so you can get a traumatised new born who then one thing builds on another where the attachment process is more challenging (Freeze and disassociation response). Then years and year of other trauma follow : you get a freeze response so you don't have access to fight or flight or natural and healthy aggression which make you are target for other children, your orienting pattern has already been disrupted so you will be hyper or hypo vigilant so you are more vulnerable that way, boundaries have been compromised so you are vulnerable in all kinds of ways. By the time you hit 30 that has been significant life trauma. One thing building on the other.

Disassociation (found in connection structure) was a coping mechanism which is no longer needed sot it becomes a problem as it will continue to be reenacted even when it is inappropriate.

Attunement's coping/survival  mechanism is depression. It is a mechanism as we needed to depress our needs, depress our emotions, contract, a parasympathetic freeze state. Treatment for this is to tolerate more charge, expansion, more aliveness, more connection and more relationality. It is about longing for fulfillment but energetically and psychologically not being able to allow fulfillment.

When a person gets a connection it can often feel overwhelming and then they find some way to diminish it or demean it. Find a real problem, blow them out of proportion so they don't have to deal with the challenge of learning to tolerate more connection etc.

Trust

Coerced into playing certain roles in the family they are often rewarded for selling themselves out e.g. a child who becomes a confidant to the parent or child who is used as a pawn between parents. This structure the people tend to act out their aggression rather than in.

Autonomy

The child felt invaded, controlled someone always knew what was best for them. On the receiving end of anxiety when they tried to act independently. Receiving end of threat if they tired to stand up for themselves. Threat of abandonment threat of being crushed or both. Result is they have given up on their sense of autonomy. You end up with people who are very pleasing and sweet and nice on the surface but underneath a very deep resentment and anger. A superficial yes and a very deep seated NO. They have survives by covert holding out. You may have my body but you wont have my soul. Although these people seem nice you never know where you stand with them. They wont stand up for themselves directly they can only do it indirectly. S o they will make their partner life so miserable they leave or the person will just leave one day without notice. They are internally paralyzed by their won internal contradiction. They will get other people to feel the anger around them by explaining situation so they can express the anger they cannot. They cannot express the anger because anger means loss of love.

Love/Sexuality

This is shown two ways : A person will shut down their heart with a person after a while and act out sexually with someone else or they will shut down sexually part of the relationship with someone and it just becomes love. The person struggles to integrate the two.

Each one of the survival types develops as a way of protecting the attachment relationship.

If a child is abused by a parent the child cannot express their aggression towards the partent so the child will turn it towards themselves. It protects the attachment relationship but at great cost to themselves. They cant accept that the person they care for and love is also the person abusing them. The result is self hatred, low self esteem, shame, guilt, general sense of badness.

Questions to ask - What is your relationship with anger. Common response is they get angry at themselves. Its very threatening to feel anger towards anybody because it is over coupled with attachment loss. So fight isn't available. Clients need to feel the fight response in various forms, if they don't they will always be fearful, always feel like a victim. Healthy aggression ability to move out and impact the environment/world.

Core energy that children use to express their needs, when there are unmet needs, the child will protest, sympathetic branch of the nervous system (fight/flight) the protest and the anger is just a signal to the environment to respond. This response can be met with threat so the environment becomes actively threatening so the child learns to respond pretty quickly to that type of threat and shuts it down - now into dysfunction. Anger needs to be DEALT WITH. On a psychological level it needs to be owned and at the body level it needs to be experienced without acting it out.

Pregnant and first 6 months the baby feels the state of the mother.

Clients fear other peoples anger but then they can fear their own and the fact it may become destructive and can't be managed.

Clients want to be angry and have people not go away

Children cannot see themselves as a good person in a bad situation.

If a child in pain or in distress they feel at fault for theat. This childhood perception then persists. So they then feel shame for being abused, being symptomatic.

The first structure feels shame at existing, they feel always on the outside looking in. Everybody has what they don't have.

Pride based identification develop as a counter response to shame because shame is not a good state to stay so they will develop a sense of pride in their rationality - They can't feel their emotions so they turn their shame into a virtue by making rationality and intellectuality their virtue. Emotions open the door to too much pain for them.

Attunement - Deep shame about needing and then pride in being the need provider. Implicit message is i don't have needs but everyone needs me.

Trauma stars as physiological and is the shaky foundation for what the psychological self is built on.

Trust issue is between 2-4 but does continue all through childhood.

Connection structure people are very sensitive to touch i.e. being touched.

Regression therapy is not good for developmental PTSD.

Dr Laurence Heller Bio

Dr. Heller is the founder of the NeuroAffective Relational Model™ or (NARM), a unified systemic approach for working with developmental issues and shock trauma. He has been on the faculty of several major universities and has taught courses and seminars at medical schools, hospitals and pain clinics in the U.S. and Europe.

Dr. Heller co-founded the Gestalt Institute of Denver and later the Rocky Mountain Psychotherapy Institute where he trained hundreds of mental health professionals.

Finally Dr. Heller is the co-author of Crash Course, A Self-Healing Guide to Auto Accident Trauma and Recovery published in English, German, Danish, and Italian.

Book review Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

There is really only one reason why you buy "Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker" and this is because  you need help. I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD the week prior (which I was struggling to absorb) so it came as no surprise that I found myself staring down at my new arrival very anxious as to what was contained in it's pages.

Having read positive reviews online I felt optimistic that the book could help me with my newly found condition or at the very least provide some insight.

Below is my review of this book. Needless to say this is not a review from an analytical journalist, just a guy that is trying to change his life by recovering from the damaging effects of his childhood traumas.

Statements and quotes to help you understand and overcome Complex PTSD

The  diagnosis of Complex PTSD has made me want to find out as much as I can about the condition so I can reduce my triggers and symptoms. As a result I have purchased several books and watched many video clips to try and attain a better understanding.

It is during this investigation that I came across many statements, quotes or thought provoking questions that were so accurate that they were at times breath taking. Some were so impactful that I feel they have changed my life and I wanted to share them here so others may also benefit.

Statements and quotes to help you understand and overcome Complex PTSD

"I am bigger than my problems" (This is a great affirmation)

Using sleeping tablets (Zoplicone) to help with PTSD

I was first prescribed Zoplicone over a year ago following a visit  to my doctor complaining of insomnia. 

For as long as I can remember I have had problems falling asleep and I had visited my doctor on and off for years  to see if they could help. It is was only after my Complex PTSD diagnosis that I was able to piece it altogether and realize that the reason why I couldn't rest properly was due to my PTSD symptoms. 

These range from intrusive thoughts, emotional flashbacks, anxiety and worry. This also explained why I had experienced this problem since my childhood traumas.

So what is Zopiclone ?

Zopiclone (brand names Zimovane and Imovane) is a nonbenzodiazepinehypnotic agent used in the treatment of insomnia. Zopiclone is sedating.  It works by causing a depression or tranquilization of the central nervous system.

How often should it be taken ?

It should only be taken for short periods i.e 2 or 3 days just to restore a normal sleeping pattern. It can be very addictive.

Side effects

Some common side effects listed for Zopiclone include :

• Taste alteration  or dysgeusia (bitter, metallic taste)
• Palpitations
• Memory issues
• Motor skill impairment
• Balance issues
• Double vision
• Fatigue
• Headaches
• Mood changes

My experience of Zopiclone

Having had many unsuccessful medical treatments over the years for various issues I was really happy when Zopiclone came along. I had tried other remedies such as Kalms and Nytol but they had no affect whatsoever, however, Zoplicone definitely gets the job done.

Whenever I take it I do get the metallic taste in my mouth but it is short lived because after 10 minutes you are asleep. Some days/nights I have been awake for over 24 hours so it was fantastic that I could just take a tablet and be fast asleep shortly after.

Another part of my PTSD sleep problem is that I suffer from regular nightmares. The added bonus of this treatment is that they don't occur when you take a Zoplicone. Whether I still have the nightmares and don't remember them or I don't have the nightmares I cannot say but the net result is that I don't consciously recall or feel like I have had one.

I knew from my first consultation with the doctor who prescribed Zoplicone that they were addictive so I have always used them sparingly. However, in bad periods I have used them for 7 days in a row. I believe the reason they (like other things such as drugs and alcohol ) are so addictive is because you quickly realize they can give you a break from the emotional pain you are suffering. Therefore, it becomes very attractive especially in tough periods.

At the time of writing I ran out of tablets 3 weeks ago and haven't returned to get a new prescription. That isn't to say I wont in the future but for now I would like to deal with my sleep issues directly by targeting the cause i.e. Complex PTSD and bring about a permanent solution.

In summary, Zopiclone is an amazing drug that should be used to 'right the ship' of your sleep pattern but you should treat it with caution as it's effectiveness may become too attractive and with prolonged use could lead to a dependency.

If you have used sleep medication, please leave a comment and let us know your story.